PLEASE...MAKE SURE YOU READ THE WHOLE ENTRY, WHICH GOES QUITE A WAYS DOWN. THERE IS A LINE UNDER THE END OF THE POST LIKE THIS******************************
recently guido blokland announced on facebook that today, august 21, is the anniversary date of j-land. of course, i don't personally know what date j-land actually started, but i do know that my first entry, my first blog post ever, anywhere, was made on my new journal in j-land, named SEDUCTION OF LIFE, on sunday, june 27, 2004 at 2:00 am. this was a dark time in my life, and i was very depressed, unsure of my future, or if i even had one. little did i know that this first small step would bring me to where i am today. this is the very first entry i made in my journal, SEDUCTION OF LIFE.
THE TRAIN WHISTLE CHILLS MY SOUL. IT IS EARLY MORNING. SLEEP EVADES ME. LIFE HAUNTS ME. WHAT IF I WERE ON THAT TRAIN? WHERE WOULD I GO, WHAT WOULD I SEE? WOULD I BE HAPPY? DARKNESS IS EVERYWHERE, EVEN IN THE HEARTS OF MEN. IT DEPRESSES, IT FRIGHTENS, YET, IT IS NECESSARY. WHY? I HAVE NO CLUE. I JUST KNOW THAT WITHOUT DARKNESS, WE WOULD NOT APPRECIATE THE LIGHT. THE EARTH WAS WITHOUT FORM OR LIGHT WHEN GOD CHOSE TO CREATE OUR WORLD. STILL, I WONDER WHY WE SUFFER THE DARKNESS SO. ALAS, ANOTHER OF THE MYSTERIES OF THE SEDUCTION OF LIFE.
there was a big dash in between this first journal entry, and the last one. this is the last entry i made in the SEDUCTION OF LIFE JOURNAL.
Wednesday, October 1, 2008
i was trying to catch up on journal reading before the last curtain call and came across a journal that sorta stirred up something in me. i won't mention the journal name, mostly because this person is a dear j-land friend and is very much entitled to her opinion........as am i. the gist of the entry was that we have all survived much more devastation and turmoils than losing our journals and should not worry about it. i agree mostly with that statement...........but...........yes, there is a but.............
i went back to my first entry which was on june 27, 2004 and started copying and pasting onto word documents in spans of one month at a time so as not to lose anything in my journal. it wasn't very long before i started crying and got a very heavy heart. there are comments in that very first month from people who are no longer in this world........they have passed on to a greater reward. without j-land and my journal, i would have never met some of these people. my life would have been much different without their comments, love, prayers, support, compassion, and advice. i will never have another comment from those people. if i lose my journal's contents, i will lose their words. i will have the memories of knowing these people, but after time fades those memories, there will be little left.
also, i started journaling at a time in my life when i needed a friend and there wasn't one in my real life to help me cope with day to day trials and tribulations. i lost 2 homes to foreclosure and was evicted from a rental house due to circumstances beyond my control. i became estranged with my then 17 year old daughter, and proceeded to watch her from afar live a life i would never wish for her. i found love, then lost it, several times. my journal captured my emotions, my soul. i wrote poetry i have since forgotten about, all to cope with life as it was back then for me. now that i am on higher ground emotionally and financially, i have more or less blocked out much of that past. reading my past journal entries has brought those memories back, and even though they are not the best of memories, the events strengthened me and made me a better person. and by reading my past entries, i find peace in my life now.
so, even though this journaler is correct in saying more or less to not sweat the small stuff........to me, my journal isn't small stuff. it is a record of my life.......one i have tried to forget because of the bad memories, but one that has brought me full circle to where i am today.
i will move on and continue journaling. and someday will look back at my current entries and either smile or cry........but it will be a slice of my life..........MY LIFE..........a life that only i have lived.
and yes, i have every right to be angry with the powers that be at aol. they didn't provide "the service" for free, or out of the goodness of their hearts. they did it at a cost to their customers, both financially and by having so many internal problems that we all became exasperated at one point or another. yes, i will continue on with aol. it is like an old pair of shoes that, when new and first worn, hurt the feet and make life miserable until they are broken in. i have become familiar with aol. i am at a loss at where i will go from here, but i will go................and i will succeed at making a new journal at a new site. i just hate that i will lose so many friends who will not journey down the same road as i.
fortunately, the commenters here are still alive and well. i keep in touch with all of them, even had a skype phone conversation a year or so ago with sybil. those who had journals and posted both entries and comments became a family, and it will always be that way for me. we are all a big extended family. i miss so many of those who have either chosen to not go further with journals after the fall of j-land or have passed on to a higher plane...but the way we all touched each other's lives is priceless and will live on long after most of us pass on. i am also going to post my first entry into my blogspot blog, which is where i took my journal after j-land passed on........this is from my new blogspot journal, A PAGE UNTURNED.
Thursday, October 2, 2008
SO, HAPPY ANNIVERSARY, J-LAND...........AND MAY ALL WHO ONCE TREAD UPON THOSE PAGES BE BLESSED. J-LAND....JUNE 27, 2004 - OCTOBER 1, 2008.....AND THANK YOU ALL FOR BEING THE DASH IN MY LIFE.
AND REMEMBER...NEVER LEAVE A PAGE UNTURNED............